I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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