I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
