Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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