i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found puke in my bra..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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