i think i have two assholes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
