i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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