I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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