is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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