fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
