bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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