She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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