Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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