happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
