would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
