dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
