I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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