I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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