Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
