Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
