end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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