This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
