You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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