The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
