It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
