The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
