What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
