i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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