I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
