Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
