Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
