I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
