i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
