Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk is not a location!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
