My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
