I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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