My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
