My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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