Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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