So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
