Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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