it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
