That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
