went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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