my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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