For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
