What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
