how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
