I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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