Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's always time for handjobs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
