just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
