take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
