dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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