Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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