Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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