I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
