I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
