I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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