If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
