Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
