So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
