glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
