I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
