So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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